Grief and Corndogs

Grief was the subject of the retreat we went to to "debrief" our overseas experience. How you are supposed to process more than a decade worth of experiences that also included getting married and the birth of 3 children in one weekend seems a little ambitious to say the least. It was an amazing weekend, though, and I HIGHLY recommend it to anyone coming back "home" even if you think the path to transition is smooth and rosy. It was a great starting point for all of us, to articulate together (yes the kids, too) all that we have lost and left behind. To acknowledge that it is OK to mourn all those things. And then to turn the page on the new chapter and begin to list all the things that are great about where we are now, because to get stuck in grief is to miss out on the wonder of the present.

Katie demonstrated very well her concept of the stages of grief when she was told she could not have a corn dog for lunch the other day, but had to have the cheese sandwich that her Mommy had already made for her. It went something like this:

1. Shock or Disbelief: What?! Did Mommy really say "No" to the corndog?!


2. Denial: She didn't say, "No." She said, "Oh."


3. Bargaining: I'll be really, really good and I won't fight with my brother if I can have a corndog!


4. Guilt: (Though in this case Katie deflected the guilt on to me) It's all Mommy's fault that I can't have the corndog!


5. Anger: I hate the world and everyone in it because I can't have a corndog!!!!!


6. Depression: Oh, Why me? I'll never be allowed to have corndogs ever again!


7. Acceptance and Hope: Did you say grilled cheese sandwich? OK, but can I have a corndog for lunch tomorrow?

So, we continue to have our moments of sighing as we think of friends and fun we had half a world away. The kids long for snow and sledding (I'm perfectly content with the sunshine of Florida). But more and more the topics of conversation revolve around new friends and experiences here. Katie still talks about life when we return to Russia, but Andrew is scouting the housing market here, looking for a place to lay down some roots. Todd and I are still hoping for a call to California and Christopher is resigned to life as a gypsy for awhile. We all are trusting that God will continue to lead us out of this transition wilderness to the place He has prepared for us.