Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Grief and Corndogs

Grief was the subject of the retreat we went to to "debrief" our overseas experience. How you are supposed to process more than a decade worth of experiences that also included getting married and the birth of 3 children in one weekend seems a little ambitious to say the least. It was an amazing weekend, though, and I HIGHLY recommend it to anyone coming back "home" even if you think the path to transition is smooth and rosy. It was a great starting point for all of us, to articulate together (yes the kids, too) all that we have lost and left behind. To acknowledge that it is OK to mourn all those things. And then to turn the page on the new chapter and begin to list all the things that are great about where we are now, because to get stuck in grief is to miss out on the wonder of the present.

Katie demonstrated very well her concept of the stages of grief when she was told she could not have a corn dog for lunch the other day, but had to have the cheese sandwich that her Mommy had already made for her. It went something like this:

1. Shock or Disbelief: What?! Did Mommy really say "No" to the corndog?!


2. Denial: She didn't say, "No." She said, "Oh."


3. Bargaining: I'll be really, really good and I won't fight with my brother if I can have a corndog!


4. Guilt: (Though in this case Katie deflected the guilt on to me) It's all Mommy's fault that I can't have the corndog!


5. Anger: I hate the world and everyone in it because I can't have a corndog!!!!!


6. Depression: Oh, Why me? I'll never be allowed to have corndogs ever again!


7. Acceptance and Hope: Did you say grilled cheese sandwich? OK, but can I have a corndog for lunch tomorrow?

So, we continue to have our moments of sighing as we think of friends and fun we had half a world away. The kids long for snow and sledding (I'm perfectly content with the sunshine of Florida). But more and more the topics of conversation revolve around new friends and experiences here. Katie still talks about life when we return to Russia, but Andrew is scouting the housing market here, looking for a place to lay down some roots. Todd and I are still hoping for a call to California and Christopher is resigned to life as a gypsy for awhile. We all are trusting that God will continue to lead us out of this transition wilderness to the place He has prepared for us.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Lost in Transition

I have been stuck for a long time in starting this blog because I have not known how to title it. "Our Mickey Mouse Year" didn't seem to quite capture the breadth of it. It wasn't until last week that I began to make the connections with our time here in Orlando as a wilderness time. Why wilderness? Because having left Russia we have yet to arrive to the place where we feel God has called us. We are stuck between the was and the not yet. Like the Israelites, we are between Egypt and the promised land and so I am trying this title for the blog.

Not all wildernesses are alike. The wilderness for the Israelites was a desert. Hot, dusty, with little food or water. Our wilderness is much more lush. Green, fertile, rainy even. We live in an abundance of material comforts and spiritual ones as well. We have a great community with friends in similar transition as neighbors. We have weekly meetings where we are fed and cared for by other staff whose role is to ease our transition and help us grow. Oh, and the Disney passes are pretty cool as well. Yep, we are pretty well provided for, here in our wilderness and there is not much complaining.

That's not to say there aren't challenges to my faith, though. Our apartment in Moscow still hasn't sold and the clock is ticking. If we don't sell it soon there are some pretty serious Russian tax implications. We have seen God provide for us in so many amazing ways in our journey here. I know he can work this out too, and I'm pretty sure he will but I really have to work to avoid panic. Not so easy in this economic climate! I always thought the Israelites were pretty pathetic to whimper at the sight of big scary Canaanites inhabiting their promised land after having seen (actually seen with their own eyes!) God part the Red Sea for them and destroy the Egyptian army. But here I am worrying because our Promised Land seems to have similarly scary giants in our path.

So, here begins our story of this year: "How will we amuse ourselves and grow while we are in transition? Can we avoid wandering and make the most of out time here? How will God clear the path for us to move to our next step?"